The Eye Exam (Part 1)

I write in cliches.
I write this down because I think it will be a clever opening line.
I write about writing this down, and then decide to remove it, but then I think I'll probably put this back in at some stage in the process, thinking that this is all important, that this sets the stage of my mind, thinking Oh, how very Henry Miller I'm being, and now you, having read the opening, you've come to the conclusion that yes, I did put it back in and now you're trapped, wondering Oh, what will come next from this scattered and cheeky narrator, wondering if you can stand this level of self-awareness and posturing for whatever ungodly amount of pages I have surely rambled upon (315, thank you, publisher's proof), and if you're perusing just the first page in some bookstore, seriously, just put it down; it only gets worse, and if you've already bought it, well, maybe you should make better life decisions, maybe I should have warned you, but it's too late now, the store's closed until at the earliest 9am, the bath water is hot and the candles are lit, so settle in, it's gonna be fun, for me at least.
Oh, how very post-modern.
I abandon writing tonight.
I'm way too fucking stoned for this.
It lasts three days, the abandonment not the stonedness, only because I have better things to do than sit alone and nothing at all to say.
I'm in Wal-Mart having an eye exam.
Oh, this is going to jump around a lot.
Fair warning.
I'm sorry?
I'm in Wal-Mart because I'm broke as shit and their eye exams are twenty bucks cheaper than anywhere else and my prescription is expired and I'm down to my last murky, worn pair of contact lenses.
I won't wear my glasses outside the house because I think maybe I look foolish.
I won't wear my glasses outside the house because I can't wear sunglasses with them, and well shit, sunglasses are fucking cool.
The optometrist's name is Richard Slick.
No joke.
When he's out of the room, I take a photo on my phone of his framed degree, because I have an exceptionally cynical mind and expect everyone else to as well, so I like to always have proof of everything I might later relate to a friend.
File > Save As...
Proof of Everything.