Rascal's doing better. I went on this site tonight called meetup.com where people with similar interests can join local groups that have get-togethers and stuff because my friend told me I could meet girls who write or are into video games and stuff like that. All it did was depress the shit out of me. I don't even know why. I just keep thinking, "Have I really become that guy? Do I really need to start going to 'activities' to meet people? And if so, can I actually get over my anxiety and go to any of these gatherings?" I don't know. It was awful. I don't want to be that guy. I don't want the best and most social parts of my life to be over and still have not done anything productive with my life.
Anyway, then I searched for "sex" on that site, just to see what kinds of ridiculous orgies people set up, or if that's even allowed, and sure enough there were swingers groups. And one of them was like, "only for people who can distinguish between sex and love" and that depressed the shit out of me, which was only partially my conservative upbringing's response to the state of the world. Mostly it was because I once again was confronting how far behind I am in almost everything in life. Yeah, so it's one of those days and I'm supposed to be writing a poem but I wanted to write something about a little kid, maybe because I was happy when I was little. I don't know. I think I'm going to copy and paste this whole email into my blog, because it's less of an email and more of me just feeling hopeless, desperate and sorry for myself. Sorry. Fuck.
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