Hate? Love? Forgiveness.

So. Here we are again. I think I've been depressed for the last few days. I wrote probably half of another song today. I played a shit load of Rock Band. I listened to some new Muse, some new Pearl Jam. None of it really makes me happy.

I think it's coming more frequently and for less time. I usually get depressed for about a week, maybe a week and an half every three months or so. Recently I've been getting depressed for a few days at a time every couple weeks. Maybe eventually it'll just work itself into my life so I'm just slightly less happy always, but otherwise consistent. I don't think I'd like that. Maybe I would.

God, I hate this. I wish I could think of something to write about, but I know that's not what this is about. I know the reason I'm hating writing this entry right now is not because I've got nothing to say, but because I just don't want to write. Maybe I'm tired, maybe I had forgotten to write until just now when I really only want to be asleep.

A lot of my art is about needing an outlet, needing to get my voice heard. What would I do if I got famous and lots of people listened to me? What then would I write about? I'm sure I'd find something else to hate. There is so much to hate in this world.

Anyway, I guess I'll end this once again by saying that I wish I'd hurry up and find a nice girl to share her life with me, and maybe she'd even want to share a bit of mine. I'd love to wake up, hate the thought of getting up, fail to do so, and as she's wondering what to do with me and my brain, I'd say sleepily, "I'm sorry about all this. I wish I were stronger."

It doesn't matter what she'd say after that, as long as when I woke up I recalled it perfectly, and on doing so decided to do better next time.